Security

Last October, Gabby Schultz wrote a wonderful webcomic about arguments about sexism on the internet. I dug it a lot, but I was always bothered by the lack of men on the "Isn't this all kind of sexist?" side. I personally have a ton of male friends who care about learning more about rape culture and dismantling their own preconceptions so they can always genuinely treat women as equals, and I think men like this should be recognized and applauded. When I posted something along those lines online, a friend agreed with me while pointing out that the comic was also missing women on the "Shut up with your crazy, biased, lesbo opinions" side.

This is important because I have traditionally never, ever acknowledged that those women exist, despite ample evidence to the contrary. I ignored their presence because I couldn't begin to understand the idea of anyone actively participating in a system that did not benefit them. Recently, I have reconciled this apparent contradiction.

For the past six months, I have had the misfortune of being bombarded with the opinions of incredibly sexist women on a regular basis (I will not elaborate on the circumstances). They refer to all men as juvenile, clueless, lazy, useless, etc. as though it were a matter of fact and claim that these inherent failings of men are the reason they do a disproportionately large amount of the housework and child raising and rent paying. They also claim they have a right to play mind games and make passive-aggressive remarks to their husbands/boyfriends/baby-daddies because they're women and that's just what we do.

As obnoxious as I find enduring this near-constant misandry, the experience has forced me to accept the existence of sexist women and, in turn, has been providing me with invaluable insight into why sexism is so commonplace in our society.

Like any idea, sexism thrives both because it is institutionalized and incredibly popular. While I've always understood that sexism is popular among men because it provides them with power and privilege, I now understand that sexism is popular among women because it provides them with security.

Now, I'm not talking about the kind of security that having health insurance or a livable wage provides, I'm talking about the kind of security people get from never taking risks. The kind of security that comes from being in a rut.

By telling women that all men are inherently brutish, sexism provides the perfect justification for the actions of partners who are dead-beats or abusive or just not compatible. In doing so, women are convinced that taking the risk of leaving their partner and attempting the supposedly terrifying lifestyle of the single woman (or mother) is not worth it, because any man they could meet in the future would have the same range of flaws. By creating the notion that putting up with men is a burden that all women bare, sexism provides women with the comfortable delusion that they never need to change because improvement is impossible.

I stand by previous statement that no one would actively participate in a system that did not benefit them, but I can longer assume that those benefits will not be abhorrent.